Here I go...
Angel (http://thevoiceofadventure.blogspot.com/) is challenging us all the GET REAL!
I want to get real about Caleb. Caleb has sensory issues. I have talked about this before but never about what we go through as his parents. Our biggest issue has been food/eating. Caleb has just started in the past 2 or 3 months eating things besides baby food. He still doesn't know how to chew so this has been our biggest struggle. There are times we want to just scream at him and have to "just chew and swallow"! It's not his fault, but Lore it's so frustrating. At almost 3 years old I am still having to feed him. If we allow him so self feed he chokes everytime. Since Caleb doesn't know how to chew he just keeps putting food in his mouth then tries to swallow it whole. So not only do we have to feed him every bite, but it takes 30-45 min to feed him. I dread when it's time to feed him during the day. How horrible is that?
Caleb has other senorsy issues that make me want to pull my hair out. He will spin around in circles for hours and hours if I let him. Now for most kids it's fun to spin around, but for Caleb it just feels good. So why not let him do it? It's not sensory healthy. Caleb also will fix on one particular toy and do nothing else but focous on that toy. Why is that so horrible? Well, they are toys with strings, things he can put his fingers in and swing them, and blocks. With the block he holds them up over his head and swings his arms. This is what he does all day. It is a fight to get him to play or do anything else. Caleb will throw his whole body back and forth in a fit of rage (even busting my lip open on a few occasions) when we try to redirect him. Things have gotten better but far from where he needs to be. I have said before, I am so proud of him. He has come so incredibly far but it hasn't been and isn't easy.
I also want to get real about God. I have faith. I believe. But where does the fully relying and giving it all up to Him come from. I can't seem to do it. When I miscarried our first child in June of 2004 I started on a downwhirled spiral and I haven't fully recovered 4 years later. After the loss of our twins in October 2004 I found it very hard to go back to church. I still find it very hard. We talk about it all the time. How we need to go back, how we want to go back. I just can't. I don't know why. I just can't. "Just go", I tell myself but it's easier said then done. God has blessed me with two amazing children. They are my children, just as if I had given birth but I am still angry and hurt. Maybe oneday soon, I pray, I will have the courage to go back to church.
So there it goes...Will you get real?
July 2019
6 years ago
9 comments:
Nat - You are a AWESOME mom !! You have went through alot but still maintain a positive attitude !!
Great post Natalie,
I can really relate about your relationship with God. When I was 17 I had Cancer, and blamed it all on God, I was so angry, and hurt, and I felt like God turned his back on me. It took me a good 8 years to go back to God, and it's wasn't untill the adoption process that I learned to rely on God, and only because I didn't know where else to turn. Give yourself plenty of time and don't force it. Don't worry God will be waiting.
I know how you are feeling I blamed my miscarriages on God too. And now I know its his fault, in a good way. Is that weird? I believe His plan was that B and I would be Kade's parents, if we hadn't lost those babies, we would not have adopted K! I am SO cool with it now. It has taken time though.
You are doing such a great job with both kids, I know Caleb will continue to progress. XOXO
Natalie, Thanks for your REAL post about some of your struggles with Caleb. We all know that you are an awesome mom and that he is so incredibly loved, but it is not always wonderful. We still have serious food issues with Marissa. It can be just exhausting at times and I often feel like NO ONE can relate unless you have adopted an older children who at one point was starved. She is so consumed with food and eating that there are many times I just want to cry. I have to refocus and remind myself where she was this time last year and how much progress she has made. I have to remind myself that yes maybe there are times when she only loves me because I feed her faithfully, but this too shall pass and there is many more positives than struggles.
I think it is important as adoptive parents that we present both sides to people. Thanks for being REAL!
So sorry to hear how hard it has been. As an adoptive parent you feel guilty if you even think about how hard it is. I can't tell you how many times I have heard, but you asked for this! Adopting a child with any kind of issues is a lifelong struggle, both good and bad. At times it is truly exhausting. We love our kids so much and just want them to be happy and "normal". It is so hard to see your child be different, it just breaks my heart..
We are all here to help each other in any way we can!!
Hugs!!!
I have a three year old that has food texture issues. She is doing better now but still refuses to eat anything hard (crackers, chips, etc.)
We found a few things that she likes a lot that are not that fattening like cool whip and marshmallows (not together). We tell her if she eats one bite of hot dog (cut into small pieces) then she can have one bite of cool whip. When she gets somewhat use to doing this we change it to two pieces of hot dog and one bite of her treat. We still have to remind her to chew with almost every bite. She still gags every now and then but is doing much better than before. She eats very tiny pieces of pizza if she has ice cream every few bites.
I am sorry you have to go through this because I SO understand your feelings. I HATE meal times and taking her anywhere at lunch or dinner time is a nightmare. I always have to think about wheather the place has something she can eat or have to bring something along. It is a big pain and very time consuming. I will let you know if we find anything else that seems to work. Hang in there!
Awww...you are such a wonderful mother. Thanks for putting this all out there. I have been really, really struggling with Mikayla's sensory issues. It's so tough sometimes and it's even tougher when people don't understand anything about it and then make me feel like I am the one doing something wrong to cause her to do the things she does:-( He has come a long way though and I love seeing his sweet pictures! And oh MY is your daughter about the sweetest thing EVER!!!!!!!!! Hope you had a wonderful 4th of July!
Hugs
Thanks for getting so real. You have beautiful children. Keep your head up. Blessings.
Wow, well said.
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